My Transition Diary


March 8
I want to add more to my transition diary, because there seems to be so little out there from folks who are late-transition, post-transition, or whatever else you want to call it - whether in medical transition or not. My perspective is now that of someone who has been on T for more than 5 years (actually it'll be 7 in August) with no intention of stopping, is more than three years post top surgery (and still saving for a hysto), and has been living full-time as a guy for nearly ten years.

I saw the doctor yesterday, just to get my blood taken and get a new prescription, but it served as a reminder to me that I want to put more information for long-term transitioners on my site.

My blood pressure at the doctor yesterday was 104/70, which apparently is excellent. I have family history of high blood pressure and cholesterol (my mother's father died in his 60s of a stroke and her brother died in his 50s of a heart attack), so this is wonderful news.

My doctor also talked to me very briefly about the pelvic ultrasound I had last summer, in place of a regular pap/pelvic exam. She's extremely cool with the Trans thing and said that she'd like to do a proper exam eventually, but that I could bring it up when I was ready and she wouldn't pester me about it. But she wanted to get at least something, and I was okay with having an ultrasound (abdominal only, not internal - they wanted to do an internal as well and I said I'd prefer not to, and they were completely fine with that). Apparently everything looked completely normal and there's no atrophy of my organs at all, even though I had been on T for five years at the time. She said that atrophy would happen more long-term than that.

I suppose I should talk a bit about the ultrasound, although there's not a whole lot to tell. When I called to make the appointment for a pelvic ultrasound, the woman asked if I was certain it wasn't a scrotal ultrasound. I found this extremely funny, and after I got off the phone, I did some checking and found that male-bodied folks do indeed have pelvic ultrasounds sometimes. It's just less commonly done.

I had to drink 32 ounces of water so that my bladder would be full and they could transmit the sound waves through the water, which allows them to see things. Let me tell you, when you desperately have to pee and someone presses very firmly on your bladder, it hurts. It wasn't excruciating or anything, just surprising since I was expecting discomfort but not actual pain. I haven't been so proud of not wetting myself since I was a toddler.

The technician noted that everything looked normal, and asked if I was on testosterone. She had clearly worked with Trans people before and didn't seem the slightest bit fazed or weirded out in any way. (I don't remember the name of the place, but it was on Beacon Street in Brookline, MA, and is apparently where Fenway Health generally refers people for ultrasounds and whatever else they do there.) She commented on how full my bladder was, to which I responded, "You people are the ones who told me to drink 32 ounces of water and then not pee!" (In my mind.)

When the abdominal ultrasound was finally finished (I don't remember how long it took but it felt a lot longer than it really was), the technician suggested that I empty my bladder - there was a toilet right in the exam room - and then she could come back in and do an internal ultrasound. I responded that I'd rather just have the abdominal one for today, which she was fine with. She left and I peed, which was the best thing ever. Even with my trans bladder and spending my whole childhood and first adolescence holding it for hours on end, I don't think I've ever had to pee so desperately in my life. Usually when I knew I wouldn't be able to access a toilet for a long time, I consciously drank less so I wouldn't get stuck in that situation. And that was it, really. I checked out and went home.

I'm still self-injecting 60mg of testosterone enanthate in my butt every week, for the record.

May 5
In discussion with Nathaniel over the wedding of a friend, and my needing a suit jacket in a different color than the one I have, I decided to measure myself. I haven't really done that over the course of my transition, and I don't remember my exact measurements from before I started T, but honestly they seem mostly the same! My chest is broader, and I know I've gained weight, but I'm not sure where I'm really keeping it. My shirts stopped fitting pretty early on both in the shoulders and the neck, but my neck measurement is the same as I remember it being pre-T. Maybe I'm just remembering wrong and I did gain an inch or two; I must have, because the old shirts choke me! You're not really supposed to measure yourself because it's much harder to be accurate about it that way, but I think I did it properly and got a pretty accurate result.

Anyway, for posterity:

So I've gained maybe ten pounds in my time on T. My weight stabilized quite a while ago, though, and the only reason I'm so scrawny at this point is because I don't eat enough. My stomach is quite small, apparently, and I have to eat smaller amounts more often than most people seem to. (Isn't that supposed to be better for you anyway?) I try to always have peanut butter cracker sandwiches and stuff on hand, but sometimes I just don't have time to eat. Eat your food, kids. Get lots of protein and vitamins. It'll make you grow big and strong.

June 12
I had blood taken just a few months ago, but my doctor abruptly left her practice (not her choice) in April, and I went back to my previous doctor. I saw her last week and she said she'd like to take my blood again just to have it, particularly since she doesn't have my medical records yet. The results came today.

"The following tests were normal: ALT (SGPT-liver enzyme), AST (SGOT), Complete blood count (hemogram), Glucose Serum and Vitamin B12.

Your cholesterol and LDL were high:
CHOL - 213
HDL - 50
LDLDIR - 137

This could be your testosterone, but we should talk about your diet as well. Please make an appointment for a visit to discuss at your convenience."

Is that very high? I don't even know what the healthy range for these things generally is. I'm not panicked about this or anything, but cholesterol, high blood pressure, and heart disease are concerns for me because of my family history, although my grandfather and uncle both smoked and didn't eat particularly well. I just wanted to record this for posterity more than anything else. I'm going to try to eat more fiber, and maybe eat more chicken and less red meat, which is a shame. I'd been eating more red meat lately and really enjoying it. Maybe I'll have to make more cottage pie with ground turkey.

August 18
Seven years on T today.

I took 11 pictures of things like facial and body hair and muscles (and my face!), which I never took previously so they're not nearly as useful as if I had pre-T comparison pics, but I assure you I had substantially less muscle and less hair. The facial hair in the pics is two days' growth. I need a shave about every 36 hours, so I shave every 48 hours. Shaving every 24 hours would likely give me razor burn.

I made a new voice clip, too. It's 35 seconds long. I don't think I sound any different, and at this point I really shouldn't, but I know people like pics and voice clips so I try to provide them.


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